Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Ive been here six weeks and i havent been able to get myself to write in this thing once. thats probably because ive had to update my life to people back home on a daily basis and the last thing i want to do is update it in a blog.
...where to begin,
Life here is beautiful. I am having a much easier GLT than i had expected. Of course I've been sick, had bad days, cried a little, but nothing too extreme...yet. My challenges have mostly been internal.

My biggest challenge by far has been letting go of home. The first month i was here i only had reoccurring dreams of my roommates and friends. The night i finally dreamt of Nepal i also dreamt that i shaved my head. When i woke up i knew i had been made aware of my codependence on "home". I am now reminding myself moment by moment that it's ok to experience these beautiful colors, people, rituals, smells, moments...without my loved ones. If all i am thinking about is how much my friends would enjoy this if they were here, i can never fully experience it. The practice of being present is extremely hard, especially when your mind tends to break things up into increments of time. I tend to count my days here in weeks, and then months, and then quarters, and thirds, etc. etc.

Ive found that gratitude not only keeps me present, it reminds me to be grateful for my solitude. Gratitude is like an all purpose house cleaner, it gets rid of all kinds of ickies. There is so much more ive realized about myself, and humanity in general, in the short time that ive been here. The whole lense through which i view the world with has been shifted. Culture is no longer a barrier. When you learn to love someone that you have nothing in common with, you realize where our true humanity lies. It is not something i can explain, it just has to be experienced.

i take comfort in knowing that some of my fellow GLT-ers are out there feeling the same shit i am. The solidarity we'll have in returning back to the distorted world that is APU, will most likely be a large contributor to my sanity senior year. until then...

1 comment:

Brittany said...

awww you finally blogged!! i am so proud of you and excited for you that you have finally allowed yourself to be fully present without lingering dissatisfaction. being present is something we both (and most) have such a difficult time with, and yet something that i honestly feel like is the key to happiness in so many ways.
i love you and am so excited for you. (with a tinge of jealousy, of course) :) <3